Well, here I am
Here I am, on my last day of my 16th year... for some reason I am trying to resist time. I am finding that it is really an exhausting effort, one that I knew was lost before I began :wink:. None the less, I find myself fighting it. I don't want to recognize the reality of time because, I guess... with it comes many more frightening realities. I am reminded, once more, of the feelings of when I wrote this last year on my birthday:
I wish I was a little girl again...
I wish I could go back to the times when
My appearance didn't matter,
And my emotions were simple.
Why, oh why does it all go so fast?
Can't I stay there a little longer?
Can't I go back to enjoy those innocent things,
Those things such as dress up and tea parties?
Oh, I wish, I wish...
But as I say those words,
I realize just how selfish they truly are.
It is not for the pleasures of the world
Which we should love, but rather,
We should delight in serving our Lord.
Oh, Father, Father!
Help me to be perfectly satisfied
With your wonderful plan.
Help me to learn from my past,
And desire my future...
Help me to live fully for you,
Wanting nothing apart from you...
Father, I am unable without you...
Please, help me...
Only now, it is a slightly different feeling and a changed prayer. Instead of a desiring to remain in the past joys, it is more of an apprehension of the future. It is kind of frightening to think of how close I am to the things I only thought about in a 'ha, it will be forever until I am old enough for that...' back when I was 13 and 14. So many people wish so much to hurry into the future, but I find myself wanting to hang in a moment forever and just watch. ::sigh:: Well, I suppose I could ramble on forever, but I shall stop.
'The Lord is my portion,' says my sould,
'Therefore, I hope in Him.'"
