A Part Of Me

It is kind of strange to think, I have now lived here in Oregon longer than I have ever lived anywhere in my entire life. I am so used to leaving, forgetting, moving on, starting over and trying new things after three or four years; memories, dreams, friends... For the longest time, I thought that only good would come from it, but I am now feeling and seeing that there are certainly setbacks.

For as much as I knew, up until now, people stay the same. Now I see that living somewhere for four years is only enough to show you a small part of someone's life... you don't get to see the broad spectrum of them maturing and growing up... and they don't see yours. I am realizing I have never, in my entire life, had to maintain a relationship with anyone other than my family for more than 4 years. I have also never had someone move on from my relational sphere. I am realizing that I don't really know anyone else who has moved as much as I have. Most everyone I know has lived here all their lives and they don't understand where I am coming from.

I feel restless. A part of me wants to go away. A part of me wants to stay. A part of me just wants to give up.